7 Signs of a Toxic Relationship (And How to Heal)

If you’re wondering if you’re in a toxic relationship, this article will help!

While most relationships can be challenging, a toxic relationship feels different. The dramatic ups and downs, hurt feelings and self-doubt all triggered by toxic behavior makes life miserable.

In this article you’ll learn the 7 signs of a toxic relationship so you can identify the problem and get closer to the solution.

Awareness is always the first step in positive change!

Is my relationship toxic?

Are you worried that your relationship is toxic?

If the answer is yes, then you already know the answer. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you this relationship isn’t working…but you need solid proof.

That’s what you’ll learn here. These seven signs will help you to assess the health of your relationships. Fixing a toxic relationship means facing the problem head on. Don’t worry you can so this!

Here are the seven signs of a toxic relationship.

1. Your feelings don’t matter in a toxic relationship.

The first sign of a toxic relationship is when your feelings don’t matter. Instead of feeling loved and respected you feel like your needs don’t count. 

Because in toxic relationships your feelings don’t matter.

For instance, your boyfriend always expects you to do what he wants instead of both of you having an equal say. You’ve suggested other activities but he never wants to do anything out of his comfort zone.

It becomes increasing obvious that no matter what you say, he doesn’t budge.

Or, maybe you’re depressed after experiencing a significant loss but your partner expects you to “snap out of it” because it’s getting old for them.

They don’t want to deal with anything difficult or emotional.

In both examples, the toxic partner most likely doesn’t care about your feelings because they are inconvenient or they lack empathy or compassion.

Over time, the tendency to keep the peace by giving up what you want becomes part of the problem. As a result, your self-esteem takes a massive hit.

Tip: Even if your feelings don’t matter to them - honor your feelings by building self-trust.

2. The relationship revolves around the other person’s needs. 

When one person’s needs dominate the relationship, the relationship becomes toxic.

A narcissistic relationship is a good example of this. The narcissist can’t tolerate their partner’s needs because they demand being the center of attention. They have to be right all the time because their self-image depends on it.

An alcoholic relationship creates a codependent pattern where the relationship revolves around the chaos and denial of the addiction. 

In toxic relationships you experience frequent gaslighting which means your reality gets denied repeatedly which makes you feel crazy.

For example, when you say you’re hurt because you’ve been screamed at - they will flat out deny that they did anything wrong.

This toxic behavior will erode your self-esteem and create self-doubt. Over time, everything you say and do gets picked apart which contributes to feeling more and more unstable emotionally.

If you have ever been gaslight say YES in the comments you’re not alone!

Tip: Find ways to take better care of yourself and consider getting professional help.

3. Your partner makes you feel guilty for spending time with family/friends.

In toxic relationships your partner will go to great lengths to isolate you socially. They feel threatened by the outside influences and find ways to increase your dependency on them. This often involves making you wrong so you come to “need them” more.

This toxic behavior creates an unhealthy dependency which is difficult to break. You may find yourself getting depressed or anxious because of being isolated.

Tip: Get outside support to minimize their influence. Consider Al-Anon or CODA for free group support around relationship/childhood issues.

4. There is a pattern of blame and shame that gets worse over time.

In toxic relationships, when things aren’t going well for any reason you are seen as the problem.

For instance, when expressing a different opinion the toxic person will shame you into thinking that you’re wrong. When you’re upset about their toxic behavior, they will retaliate by saying it’s your fault.

Being blamed and shamed repeatedly damages a persons’ self-esteem to the point where they start believing that the abusive words are true.

This helps them avoid accountability because they will convince you that as long as you need to change, they don’t have to do anything different. Yikes!

Tip: Remind yourself that excessive blaming is not about YOU it’s their attempt to control and manipulate you once again.

5. Your partner doesn’t feel empathy when you are hurting.

Without empathy, the toxic person can’t feel any sympathy for what you’ve been through. Instead, they will care more about their own feelings than yours.

In toxic relationships you don’t get comforted or supported because it’s impossible for them to care about your well-being. In a crisis, they get upset because they don’t have time to deal with your pain.

It’s a vicious cycle of mistreatment and abuse that never gets better over time.

Tip: Find other sources of emotional support because expecting the toxic person to change is maddening!

6. There is a continuous cycle of mental, physical or sexual abuse.

Toxic behavior is abusive behavior.

The cycle of abuse needs to be recognized early. It starts with the tension building phase where the toxic person gets increasingly agitated or stressed.

They don’t have the tools to manage their stress which leads to an abusive incident - whether that’s being hit, flying into a rage, or putting you down verbally, the abuse always follows.

Next comes the honeymoon phase where they might be apologetic, super sweet, give you flowers and gifts and try to make-up with affection and sex. The cycle of abuse doesn’t improve unless the person is willing to get professional help AND show accountability and remorse.

Tip: You must protect yourself and any children from the abuse. Create a safety plan where you have a bag packed and a place to stay in an emergency.

7. You are repeatedly told you need to change for your partner to be happy.

This toxic behavior is a dysfunctional game of tag you’re it - but sadly, you believe it.

You assume that if only YOU were better, prettier, thinner, more patient - your partner would be happy and love you. This toxic behavior is especially common in a narcissistic or alcoholic relationships where the other person avoids accountability by telling their partner how they should change.

When you struggle with codependency or low self-esteem, you are more likely to take responsibility for the relationship instead of recognizing that your behavior isn’t the only issue.

Tip: You are not responsible for the other person’s happiness no matter what they tell you. Building self-trust is key!

Final thoughts

Relationships the superglue of life - they bind us together but when they’re toxic, it’s time to evaluate the cost to your well-being.

Staying in an abusive relationship may seem easier than being alone but with the right support, you can begin to heal and eventually create healthier relationships - including the one you have with yourself.