You're upset but don't feel like reaching out. You decide to keep to those feelings to yourself or shove them aside. But they don't go away on their own.

This is the perfect time to try journal writing. It's a quick tool to express difficult feelings and not have to worry about the other person's reaction.

Talking to a friend, getting some exercise, and taking a break are all great options but they take some planning. Writing is something that you can do anytime. It provides relief - and it works.

Writing Gets to the Core

Feelings aren't fun.

Growing up, if feelings weren't considered important, you probably learned to ignore them. But eventually they leak out because you can't hold them in anymore. That's when they start to cause relationship problems like unspoken resentments and hurt.

When you know how to get to the root of the problem quickly, you feel empowered. You can face what’s happening in the moment and start to heal. Writing does that because it helps you focus on what’s bothering you.

How Writing Works

The next time you find yourself feeling upset get out a notebook. Don’t just text something in your cell phone. The act of physically writing it out is cathartic.

Start writing whatever thoughts come to mind. Don't worry about the grammar or spelling because it'll slow you down. Writing is about expressing yourself without hesitation. Don't think about it too much because you might start judging it.

Writing can lessen anxiety. Doing it before bed improves sleep because it empties your mind. This is great way to let go of those nagging details. Once it's on paper, it’s easier to let it go!

Writing as a tool for increasing awareness

Identify the Trigger

Writing provides clarity about what's happening in the moment. You get to the heart of the problem because you don't have to censor yourself.

When you know what you're really upset about, you can find a solution.

Example:

Your husband is late and you notice that your feelings are a bit intense for the situation.

You start writing and remember that your dad was late a lot when you were a child. You felt like he was never really there for you - and that's why you get so upset when your husband is late.

Writing helps you recognize when the present situation is triggering past hurts that haven't been healed.

Those unexpressed emotions (from the past) are causing you to overreact. Once you deal with those, reactions in the present get less intense. You feel more aligned with today.

When you find yourself getting upset, here are some questions to get you started.

Helpful Questions:

Why is this situation so upsetting?
What assumptions are you making that you need to check out?
Is this bringing up anything from the past that's unresolved?
Are your emotions more intense than the situation?
What does this remind of you?
What do you need to do to take care of yourself?

These questions clarify patterns that keep you stuck. Getting to the original upset means tracing the emotion back to a past event. If there is no past event, trace the feelings to whatever comes up.

Example:

Your spouse tends to interrupt you during arguments. This leads to a yelling match. You're shocked at how mad you get but you’re not sure why.

Writing helps you get to the original upset. Keep writing. If you still have trouble, use this statement.

"I feel afraid because...." fill in the blank. Why afraid? Because fear is often underneath hurt and anger. Staying in the anger can keep you stuck.

Repeat this sentence until you get to a memory that's connected to the present issue. It'll feel like an ah-ha moment. That awareness pushes you to grow!

Now you know what the original problem is and what's causing the intensity of your emotion.

Final Thoughts

Writing helps get you back to your center. When emotions are stuffed there is no chance of resolution. Relationships get easier when you can handle these feelings. Being aware of how you feel can decrease stress because you know where the upset is coming from versus getting lost in all that emotion. Journal writing can be a great way to take care of yourself in the moment.