The Do's & Don'ts of 12 Step Recovery
You have probably heard of 12 step programs but you may not realize how they could change your life. The first one, Alcoholics Anonymous, helped so many alcoholics that they created other 12 step groups for food addiction, gambling, compulsive sexual behavior, codependency, smoking, workaholism and other compulsive behaviors.
These groups offer free peer support 24/7 because members willingly want to support each other. There are no hard and fast requirements. You can work the program as much or as little as you like.
These guidelines will help you avoid the pitfalls of relapse. There are no rules in recovery and when there is a short cut, addicts usually use it!
Let's start with what NOT to do.
There Are No Rules
You can work the program as much or as little as you like. You can be late or leave early to meetings. That's great news for someone who needs to work late or has a doctor's appointment.
But when you’re struggling with the program, it gives you an excuse to stay on the sidelines. When this becomes a habit it can hurt your recovery and keep you stuck.
The steps and getting a sponsor are the foundation of the program but you get to decide when you are ready to take that step.
What to do and what not to do in 12 step recovery
No Shame in Needing Help
Many recovering people realize in sobriety, they suffer from anxiety or depression. There is no shame in admitting that AA may not be enough.
Years ago there was a very courageous AA speaker named Bob E. who talked about wanting to die after after 17 years of sobriety. That pain forced him to seek therapy and work through his childhood pain.
Bob advocated for facing childhood issues as they related to current sobriety. He has amazing podcasts here under AA individual speakers. At some point in recovery, an addict’s childhood pain will surface and getting additional support can prevent relapse. Fellow members are amazing but they aren’t professionals.
Al-Anon and ACA are 12 step programs that are incredibly helpful in healing childhood issues, letting go of control and improving relationships.
Pick Your Tribe Wisely
In early recovery, you gravitate towards like minded people. As time passes, your needs may change. People grow at different speeds. Sometimes, friends - even sponsors grow apart.
Recovery isn't about staying the same, it's about embracing change. It’s okay to change sponsors or meetings if you aren’t getting the kind of recovery you want.
If you've had a negative experience in the program, don’t give up. Members are far from perfect but please don't let that make you leave the program. Read my blog 12 Step Myths for more information.
It's a WE Program
The purpose of 12 step recovery is to find a meaningful life without substances. You can’t do that in isolation. Take your time to find a sponsor that’s a good fit for you. You can get through anything sober but don't recover alone. It's a we program for a reason.