7 Steps To End a Relationship With Love
Ending a relationship is painful.
Most people do whatever they can to avoid it because they don’t know what to say or how to do it. Some resort to doing it by text or email but that’s never a good idea.
Being on the receiving end of that kind of email/text feels awful and I don’t want that for you (or your relationship).
It’s understandable though because saying goodbye can trigger intense, uncomfortable feelings. In fact, some will choose to stay in the relationship no matter how painful because it’s easier than leaving.
And you have every right to make that choice.
In this blog you will get my 7 step process for how to end a relationship in a loving, respectful way.
What to do first when deciding to end a relationship
First, before you do anything, ask yourself this one important question.Are you absolutely ready to end your relationship?
If you’re thinking, “I’m pretty sure” you’re not ready - and that’s okay!
Trying to end a relationship before you’re ready will be a waste of your time and energy.
Anything less than 100% means that you are probably not done with the relationship yet.
If you answered 100% then keep reading!
1. Be in the right frame of mind.
Don’t initiate this conversation when you’re tired or stressed. Taking the time to ground yourself will help you go into it CALM. The last thing you want is to start this conversation when you’re in a negative head space. That will make it ten times harder to stay calm and end your relationship with love and respect.
The more centered you are going into it, the better you’ll be to handle whatever happens without getting too upset.
2. Make sure the timing is right for both of you.
If you’re not sure, think about when you are the most relaxed. Is it at night after work, or on the weekend? Pick your time wisely. This will make a huge difference in the outcome.
Next, always ask permission first - “Is now a good time to talk? I’d like to talk to you about the relationship.”
Giving them a heads up on the topic shows the you care about their feelings which will go a long way towards creating an amiable ending. They know what’s coming and can say yes or no depending on their own stress level at the time.
3. Go into this conversation prepared.
Many people break up with their partner in the heat of the moment which they end up regretting later. In order to end a relationship in a loving way, do it with intention. Be clear before you start that your goal is to say goodbye and end the relationship.
How do you do that?
Create a script.
When you know what to say and how to say it, ending the relationship becomes easier because you have a plan. This makes it much easier to follow through.
Here’s an example:
I’d like to talk with you about our relationship. Is this a good time? I’ve been thinking and I realize that this isn’t working for me anymore. I think we are going in different directions/ have different values/want different things.
I will always care for you and want the best for you but I need to end this relationship.
Short, sweet, and to the point. There is NO need to hash things out for hours and hours. This only prolongs the pain and will make you feel more guilty for doing it.
4. Make it more about you.
When a relationship ends most people focus on what the other person did wrong. Sadly, that will trigger the other person to get defensive and angry.
Ending a relationship triggers a lot of intense emotions. Tell them the truth in a loving way but don’t focus too much on what went wrong. It’s easy to want to vent but it makes an amicable ending more difficult.
If you need to give a specific reason, describe their behavior without judgment or disrespect. That way, you can avoid getting into the same arguments all over again.
5. Be ready for their response.
The other person may not want it to end, they might plead their case, beg you not to leave, or negotiate a trial separation. Use the broken record technique - have one statement ready as a response so you’re not having to think on the spot. It’s too difficult with all the emotions.
Example of a broken record statement:
“I understand how you feel but I need this to end.”
Repeat your statement a few times if needed. They will eventually get the point. If they not -then you will probably need to leave.
6. Thank them for what the relationship mean to you.
There are gifts in every relationship and taking the time to acknowledge them is a kind loving way to end your connection.
For instance:
“I really appreciated our time together, we had a lot of good times but it’s not working for me anymore. Sometimes people grow apart and it’s nobody’s fault.”
7. Agree not to contact each other for awhile.
Once the relationship ends, the hard part begins. Feelings of grief and sadness often trigger one or both people to reach out and connect. Soon, you find yourself back together as if nothing ever happened.
Then comes the regret. One simple but not easy way to avoid this from happening is to agree not to contact each other for at least a few months. This creates an opportunity for you to get some distance and begin the process of truly letting go.
Final Thoughts for Ending a Relationship Amicably
Ending relationships does require planning but taking the time to do it pays off. You can feel confident in your ability to say what you mean without saying it mean. You will know how to handle their reaction by using your “broken record statement” so you don’t veer off course.
Knowing how to end your relationships can be a loving way to say goodbye.