Understanding 12 Step Programs: Everything You Need to Know
Life is not meant to be done in isolation.
12 step programs contain a hidden gem for healing dysfunctional behaviors but they’re also widely misunderstood.
Many people don’t realize their value and as a result, miss an opportunity to become a part of a community that provides free support that changes lives.
In this blog you will learn exactly how 12 step programs work plus the most common misconceptions that prevent many people from checking them out.
What are 12 Step Programs?
12 step programs are free, peer support groups that help people recover from addictions and dysfunctional behaviors.
While you have probably heard of AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, that’s not the only program available.
12 step recovery programs started in 1939 with two alcoholics who wanted to get sober. These men, desperate to find a solution, realized that by helping others, they could stay sober one day at a time. Several years later Al-Anon was formed for families and friends of those alcoholics.
They worked!
Because they were so successful in helping heal from the pains of addiction, other groups were formed for issues like food addiction, codependency, gambling, debt, sex addiction. There are over 30 different 12 step programs with may being worldwide.
So how do they work exactly?
12 step programs focus primarily on two things: practicing the principles of recovery and working the 12 steps.
The principles of 12 step recovery help you live a happier, more fulfilling life.
The 12 steps heal addictions and behaviors that make life unmanageable.
What are recovery principles?
These programs are based on a set of recovery principles that promote healthy behavior and accountability. They are your guides in every day life that serve as goals for healing.
Examples of recovery principles include:
Admitting powerlessness over the problem
Letting go of control where you can
Taking responsibility for your own behavior
Practicing humility to stay “right sized”
Weakness not strength binds them together while supporting each other one day at a time.
What about the 12 steps?
The 12 steps are typically done with a sponsor in written form following one of their recovery books. This person is your go-to person for support and questions about how to work the program and recover.
Sponsors guide you through the program. They serve as your own personal mentor when you need help. Look for someone who has what you want in terms of recovery and/or similar life experiences.
When it’s not a match, you can change sponsors at any time because not everyone is a good fit.
It’s also important to connect with other members for fellowship and support. It’s a “we” program because together we recover.
One day at a time.
Where to Find 12 Step meetings
Meetings are found in person, on the telephone and thanks to the pandemic, on Zoom. Some groups even meet on What’s app. Thanks to the pandemic, you can now find a meeting anywhere in the world.
12 Step Meetings: Types of meetings
There are a variety of meetings that focus on different aspects of the program. As a newcomer, it’s helpful to hear speakers and group sharing so you can identify the similarities.
The speaker/sharing meeting consists of a speaker sharing their experience, strength and hope for about 20 minutes, followed by members who take turns sharing their own experiences and struggles for 3-5 minutes.
A speaker meeting focuses primarily on the speaker sharing for about 45 minutes with no sharing.
A literature meeting focuses on reading out of their own 12 step literature. This type of meeting can be confusing for someone new since they may not understand the specific terms enough to follow it.
Special focus meetings are specifically for men, women, LGBTQ, and other special populations.
What makes 12 step programs unique is that they refrain from cross talk which means that no one comments directly to another person’s share.
This avoids the pitfall of giving advice and possibly over-stepping into telling someone what they should be doing.
However, in AA or NA, they often have a more assertive approach due to those addictions being more life-threatening. Working the steps is encouraged from the start because their sobriety depends on their spiritual condition.
People in 12 step programs are imperfect too
While people are imperfect everywhere, people in 12 step programs are often judged more harshly.
You may come across someone who is unkind or judgmental in a meeting but that can happen anywhere. Outsiders often use these experiences to criticize 12 step programs instead of remembering that relationship challenges can happen everywhere.
If you find that one meeting doesn’t feel right, seek out another one. Hurt people hurt people whether it’s inside or outside of the program.
Assuming that one meeting constitutes what all 12 step groups are like isn’t fair or accurate. Every group has a different flavor. Some meetings will resonate and some won’t.
What’s true and what’s not in 12 step programs?
There are several misconceptions around 12 step programs that need to be addressed.
It’s a religious program
To be fair, believing in a Higher power IS an essential part of the program BUT it’s a higher power of your own choosing.
For atheists and agnostics, they can focus on one guiding principle - Take what you like and leave the rest. Basically, you get to decide how much of the program you want to do.
While most people eventually find something that works for them, it can take years for some to be willing - and that’s perfectly fine!
2. It’s a cult.
A cult has a leader that targets their followers for their own gain.
In 12 step programs there is no leader. Members rotate service positions to avoid one person dominating the group. Again you can pick and choose.
Those people are CRAZY!
People seek help because they are struggling. At most meetings you will find some people laughing and others crying.
That’s because meetings are a safe place to share and be heard without someone giving advice. It’s a chance to connect with others and be vulnerable rather than pretending everything is fine.
Attendance - again there is no requirement - you can come late and leave early. Many people recommend attending regularly but this is different for every person.
What is a healthy meeting?
A healthy meeting focuses on the solution more than the problem. The meeting is predictable, follows a script and starts and ends on time. The energy is up beat and they are welcoming.
Shares are mostly focused on experience, strength and hope.
What constitutes an unhealthy meeting?
The meeting feels chaotic, like no one is in charge.
Most of the sharing is not focused on recovery.
Outside issues are being discussed while dilutes the meeting.
People are gossiping or taking badly about someone.
Final Thoughts
While 12 step groups aren’t for everyone, they have the ability to help anyone who is suffering from addictions and harmful behaviors. You don’t have to go through life alone! There is help!
Some 12 Step programs:
Al-Anon ( friends and families of alcoholics )