Narcissistic people are known for being self-centered and insensitive at times. They’re quick to anger when they don’t get what they want. In these relationships you will likely feel frustrated and misunderstood a lot. Trying to maintain a relationship with them can be challenging to say the least.

When a narcissistic person gets angry it borders on mental abuse. They will purposely make others feel less than in order to regain control of the situation. Learning how to take care of yourself in these relationships is critical.

In this blog you will learn how to protect yourself when it comes to narcissistic anger.

What Does Narcissistic Mean?

Many people assume that narcissism means being self-centered but that’s only part of it.

Traits of a narcissistic person include:

• Needs to be the center of attention

• Lacks empathy and compassion

• Can’t handle criticism well

• Tends to lash out when angry

• Can be entertaining and charming

• Feels a sense of entitlement

• Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success

Step #1 - Have Realistic Expectations

People with narcissistic traits have trouble being supportive and flexible in relationships. Expecting them to be like other people creates more frustration but here are some things that can help.

First, educate yourself about narcissism. By understanding these traits you can do two things; adjust your expectations and create other means of emotional support. This is not the kind of relationship you can do in isolation.

For instance, expecting them to care about your feelings will be futile. The narcissistic person tends to dominate the relationship and leave the other person feeling lonely much of the time. Although charming, their ability to create lasting connections is extremely limited.

On the other hand, when expectations are realistic, you can strive to enjoy what does work without forcing them to be something they’re not. Trying to change them creates the suffering. Practicing acceptance does not mean putting up with abusive behavior.

Taking Care of Yourself Instead

Instead, redirect that energy to more productive things like prioritizing self-care routines and maintaining friendships. Spending less time together and building outside supports really helps. Cultivate practices like yoga, exercise or meditation for staying centered.

Another tool is practicing healthy detachment. This is an important boundary when things get overly tense. Detaching doesn’t mean letting go completely but removing yourself to avoid any mean or abusive behavior.

Otherwise, it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning in all of the hurt and resentment.

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Narcissistic Anger Triggers

Because their sense of self isn’t secure, the narcissistic person can’t tolerate being called out or criticized in any way. They can be cruel and manipulative when they don’t get what they want.

Questioning their abilities will likely trigger rage. Most people feel remorse after saying something hurtful but narcissistic people will justify their own behavior because they think they’re right. They cannot understand or empathize with someone else’s pain, it’s just not how they’re built.

Apologizing isn’t something they will do willingly unless it gets them what they want.

How to Respond to Narcissistic Anger

Recognizing this type of anger is the first step; intense blame, criticism, guilt trips, passive-aggressive comments and gaslighting are common tactics. The narcissistic person will “gaslight” the other person by creating self-doubt. This helps to maintain their superiority.

When the anger gets too intense, remove yourself. Don’t assume it will get better. Knowing when to leave can prevent the situation from getting out of control. It’s important to protect yourself and the kids first.

If you need to make up an excuse in order to leave, so be it. Your emotional well-being is more important than placating their moods. Exiting quietly is a healthier option than having the last word.

Because narcissistic people are masters at blaming others, they will avoid taking responsibility. While it’s normal to express anger, it’s not okay to use it as a means of punishing or shaming someone else.

Expressing Your Own Anger

Emotional abuse is typical behavior in these relationships. The narcissistic person has a low tolerance for hearing your pain. Approaching them at the right time may help but even when they don’t explode, they can covertly blame you for what’s happening.

Instead, find healthy outlets for expressing emotions outside of the relationship. Here are some healthy ways to express anger;

• Writing in a journal

• Talking to friends and family

• Getting vigorous exercise

• Venting in a support group like NAMI or Al-Anon

• Practicing detachment

Using “I” statements is a safe way to express anger. For instance, name the feeling and the specific behavior that hurt you. Keep it simple - advocate for yourself but don’t try getting the other person to change!

Also, avoid using words like always or never which tend to escalate the situation. Choose your timing carefully, preferably when both of you are calm because approaching them at the wrong time can blow things up fast.

Final Thoughts

Being in a narcissistic relationship means coming to terms with severe emotional limitations. Trying to change them will only increase the frustration. Always guard your own safety first especially around their rage. Put energy into what you can control - mainly your own quality of life - rather than trying to change what you can’t.