Right now there is a LOT of anger around what’s happening in the world. Most people had already been feeling isolated due to sheltering in place which has only increased our stress!

Facebook groups are exploding with intense discussions around politics, racism and even wearing masks. Some are productive while others seem to descend into online screaming matches.

It’s important to express yourself in a healthy way on social media. In this blog, you will learn how to keep anger constructive online. While these online spats aren’t necessarily new - they have definitely become more pronounced.

Waring with Strangers

It hurts my heart when people get into heated arguments with strangers online. While I get fighting for your principles - especially right now - sometimes, it does more harm than good.

For instance, here are a few things to think about:

• Do you have the emotional energy right now for these type of chats?

• Can you stay reasonably calm during and afterwards?

• Will participating in these discussions be more harmful than productive?

How Important IS it?

Arguing online makes me think of a 12 step program saying “How Important Is it?”

I don’t mean how important is the issue - but how important is it to be engaging with someone that you might not even know? You need ask yourself, is it worth my time to engage in this?

For example, can you listen to another person’s point of view or are you only focused on what you want to say?

If the interchange gets too heated, take a break. Otherwise, you’ll likely say things you will later regret - and since written words are on display for all the world to see, it’s probably not a great idea to keep it going.

Plus you never know who will eventually read it.

Venting On Social Media

When a person vents online, they often forget that there’s a real person on the other end of that message. People will write things on social media that they would never say face to face.

Being online gives us a false sense of security. We think we can say almost anything but that’s not without consequences…

Online bullying has become a major issue these days among adults- only we justify it by thinking that we’re right or the issue is too important to ignore. That’s a problem!

We need more unity right now and less hate!

The Line Between Passionate and Abusive Behavior

It feels safe to explode online because we don’t see its aftermath. We don’t have to look at the pain on someone’s face or the tears cried behind closed doors. We forget that our written words are even more hurtful because they are witnessed by others.

Intense blaming, name-calling and attacking someone’s character are clues that you’ve crossed the line into abusive behavior.

You may not recognize the line between being passionate and being abusive. But if you’re honest with yourself, you already know.

Be mindful of what you say on social media. If you don’t feel comfortable saying it face to face, it’s probably not worth writing either.

Choose Your Support System Carefully

Social media provides a space to go for people to connect. Because we have been isolated from sheltering in place, the need for online support has skyrocketed.

People are having more personal discussion online than ever before but here’s the problem.

Not everyone is supportive or respectful online. There’s a popular saying; Don’t go to the hardware store for milk. In other words, don't expect unsupportive people to give you what you need.

On social media, these people are easy to recognize. Typically, they don’t share your values or treat others with respect. They might go off on negative rants that don’t make sense.

When it comes to more sensitive issues (and right now there are several), find places where it’s safe to share. Spending time in Facebook threads that are toxic only serves to drag you down with them.

If you don’t have a support group - find one!

I always recommend 12 step programs because it’s an easy way to get into one quickly. They are very welcoming.

Check out Al-Anon for relationship help!

Expressing Anger Constructively

When talking about more sensitive topics, consider this. Walk away when you need to cool down and get some perspective. You don’t have to respond right away. In fact, taking that break can be the difference between reacting defensively and responding respectfully.

When you do come back, avoid assuming what the other person is thinking. Unless we take the time to understand their story, we stay isolated in defending our own need to be right.

Express how you feel without making the other person wrong. Stick to what’s important without getting lost in someone else’s words. Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean convincing others to change, though that’s definitely tempting!

On the other hand, when the issue becomes too emotionally charged, it’s better to leave it alone. Your well-being is far more important than an online debate.

Final Thoughts

Strive to make your online chats productive by keeping your emotions in check. Demonizing the other person only serves to make both people feel bad. When in doubt, ask for feedback before actually posting it. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache by spending more time considering your words than letting off steam.

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