Can a codependent relationship be fixed?

In codependent relationships the codependent person relies too much on others for validation and support. These relationships often fizzle out because of their unhealthy dependency. In this blog you’ll learn 3 strategies to heal your codependent relationship.

A codependent relationship feels disheartening.

Instead of having a mutually satisfying connection, one person gives too much while getting very little back. You start to sacrifice yourself for the relationship which never works in the long run.

But you can fix that!

Fixing a codependent relationship starts with you. Making positive changes does not require the other person to participate. It certainly helps but the focus of this article is on changing your own behavior not theirs.

Create a Healthy Balance for the Codependent

Codependent relationships become lifelines of dependency rather than healthy connections. In codependency recovery, you need to redirect some of that energy towards healthier things.

For example - let’s say each person has a dozen eggs that represent their emotional needs for connection.

When you are codependent, all of those eggs get put into one person’s basket. This indicates an unhealthy dependency, a hallmark of codependency.

No one should have all of your eggs!

3 Ways to Fix Codependent Relationship Patterns

There are 3 ways to fix codependent relationship patterns. First, spreading those “emotional eggs” out by connecting with a variety of people not just the one you depend on most. That way you will avoid relying too heavily on one person.

The next one is critical for relationship recovery; cultivate a relationship with yourself. Think about what you want instead of always thinking of others first. Without a solid connection to yourself - this codependent pattern of unhealthy dependency won’t change.

Strive to create a healthy balance between relying on others and relying on yourself. Though this takes time, developing self-trust will also serve to heal codependent patterns. Trusting yourself means trusting your own perceptions, not looking to others to decide for you.

Setting Boundaries Heals Codependent Relationships

Nothing transforms a codependent relationship quite like setting boundaries. Instead, the codependent person will sacrifice their own needs to get the approval they crave.

Challenging faulty beliefs like “if I set a boundary they’ll be mad at me or they’ll think I’m selfish“ is part of recovery. Most people want the codependent person to take better care of themselves.

Here are a few simple ideas to get you started.

1. Don’t volunteer the next time someone asks for help. Breathe and stay quiet, you don’t have to respond.

2. When someone asks for a favor say that you’ll let them know tomorrow. Give yourself time instead of saying yes in the moment.

3. When you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, leave early. Don’t assume it’ll get better especially if your gut is telling you to leave.

For more on boundaries click here to read What are Healthy Boundaries?

Identify What you Need and Ask for It

A codependent relationship revolves around one person’s needs. By asking for what you need the codependent person changes the dynamic of the relationship.

Start with supportive people to build your confidence. Find little things like asking a hug, or asking someone for a small favor. That way it’s less scary.

If the codependent person doesn’t start asking for what they need the codependent dynamic will never change. You will always be the giver which makes having a mutually satisfying relationship next to impossible and I don’t want that for you.

Final Thoughts

After practicing these techniques either notice the relationship will become healthier or it will make the relationship worse. If this happens, don’t worry, that’s not a necessarily bad thing. It IS however, a reality check that the relationship may need to be evaluated.

Not every relationship is meant to go the distance but that can be devastating to the codependent. Sometimes, getting healthy makes others feel threatened because they don’t know what to expect.

Give them time to adjust but if they still don’t respect your new boundaries, consider lowering your expectations. For instance, enjoy what works in the relationship while taking better care of yourself around what doesn’t. Fixing a codependent relationship always starts with you!