When you love someone with anxiety you find yourself reacting instead of being supportive.

Anxious energy breeds more anxiety. If you are having a tough time coping with someone else’s anxiety, you’re not alone. Detaching from someone else’s emotion IS challenging. Thankfully, there are tools to stay calm and not get caught up in their feelings.

In this blog you will learn seven do’s and don’ts for how to deal with someone who is anxious without losing your patience.

1. Don’t give advice to the anxious person.

Wanting to help is normal but giving advice sends the wrong message. Even with good intentions, giving advice often makes the anxious person feel judged and more anxious!

They already feel like a failure.

Telling them things like…calm down or this isn’t a big deal may seem helpful to you but when someone is struggling emotionally, they typically don’t want advice. They yearn to be heard.

2. Don’t take the anxious person’s behavior personally.

You may find yourself reacting to their anxiety and even taking it personally but remember, their anxiety has nothing to do with you.

When you love someone with anxiety, you may start to feel their anxiety. This makes setting boundaries more difficult. There are times when you’d like to walk away but you don’t because you feel guilty. Learning how to detach from someone else’s emotions becomes a major challenge.

You might think they are doing this purposely as if they have a choice but they don’t. People who struggle with anxiety can’t help it. Most people have struggled with anxiety since childhood.

3. Don’t take responsibility for their anxiety.

Your loved one’s anxiety is not your problem to fix. Being the observer can make you think you have the solution and the anxious person just isn’t listening.

But that would be false.

The anxious person needs to want help. Otherwise, you will be caught in a continuous power struggle over something that you have no control over. Ultimately, all you can do is take care of yourself and find ways to be supportive without taking responsibility for it.

Even though you love them, their anxiety is not your responsibility.

4. Do practice consistent self-care when loving an anxious person.

4. Finding healthy outlets will help you cope with the anxiety. Journal writing helps to vent emotions safely without having to censor yourself. Pour yourself onto the page so you don’t have to explode later. Stuffing your frustrations will only hurt the relationship.

Loving an anxious person can trigger a lot of frustration so it’s important to practice consistent self-care. It’s okay to feel frustrated but it’s not okay to take your frustrations out on the anxious person.

Instead, get support from people who won’t judge you. Go for a brisk walk when you need to take a break. Practicing self-care will have a positive impact on your ability to cope as well as on your relationship.

5. Do ask the anxious person what kind of support they need.

Telling the anxious person to get therapy or take medication doesn’t help. When you try to fix the anxious person, they will naturally resist and get anxious all over again.

Instead, ask them how can I support you?

This shows that you care and provides valuable information on what they need from you. They might need time alone or a few minutes of silence to center themselves. When you know what they need, both people can relax and support without control.

6. Do change your self-talk about the anxious person.

Identifying negative thoughts can help manage your emotions around the anxiety.

Thoughts like “here we go again” or “why can’t they just chill out” will only increase your irritation.

Instead tell yourself

• “I can handle this.”

• “It’s okay to take care of yourself too.”

• “Everything is going to be ok.”

They often struggle with catastrophic thinking, meaning they struggle to see what’s positive in a situation.

7. Do practice good boundaries around the anxious person.

Anxious energy can be intense. It’s easy to find yourself reacting to that emotion. Without good boundaries, anxiety can cause havoc for you and the relationship.

That’s where setting boundaries can help. For the boundary to be effective it must focus on changing your behavior, not theirs.

Here are some ideas to get you started.

When your loved one is anxious…

• You may have to leave the room

• Ask what they need to show support

• Preserve your energy by practicing self-care

• Loving detachment means letting them handle it

Final thoughts

Loving someone who is anxious takes a little work but it will save your sanity and your relationship.

Taking care of yourself may seem unrelated but staying calm and detaching from their anxiety will help you cope in the long run. Ultimately accepting the anxious person without trying to fix it is the best way to love them.