3 Signs of Abuse You Can’t Dismiss
Picking a healthy partner isn’t a quick or easy task for anyone.
The excitement of a new relationship can make it hard to take things slowly - especially when the attraction feels intense or the person has been alone for a long time. Most people have trouble practicing patience long enough to really get to know a person.
An unhealthy relationship isn’t always obvious - especially in the beginning when everything is new and exciting. Most relationship problems show up in the first several weeks, but people often ignore them.
If you’re questioning the health of your relationship right now, keep reading. Understanding what to look out for is the first step in doing something different.
Do these scenarios sound familiar?
Putting up with bad behavior but telling yourself it’ll be worth it in the long run.
Giving so much to the relationship but it’s beginning to feel like your needs don’t count.
Wanting to get your needs met but made to feel guilty instead.
Having that gut feeling that something isn’t right but you don’t want to believe it.
Sometimes, relationship problems can trigger dysfunction and abuse. In this blog you’ll learn three problematic behaviors that people tend to ignore. In the beginning people often hope these issues will go away on their own but in reality they only get more pronounced.
#1 When Criticism and Blame Become Norm
When one person refuses to take responsibility, the other person becomes the scapegoat for what isn’t working in the relationship. This kind of blame and criticism starts a cycle of verbal abuse that’s difficult to repair. It’s basically a dysfunctional game of tag you’re it.
Certain traits are important to identify because they do damage in relationships. Lack of accountability is never a good sign. It often shows up when there is addiction, narcissistic or difficult personalities or rigid belief systems.
Over time, accepting inappropriate or abusive behavior becomes a habit. The person on the receiving end gets buried under all that criticism and starts to break emotionally. They may starting showing signs of depression or anxiety.
Imagining a future life together in one, 5, or 10 years from now doesn’t look pretty.
If you’re questioning whether you need to stay or go, here are some questions to ask yourself:
Are you treated with respect?
Does your partner care about your feelings?
Do your needs come last?
Are you afraid to leave?
Do they respect your boundaries especially when you say no?
Do they support you having separate interests?
Are you able to voice your concerns without being attacked or made to feel guilty?
Convincing someone that everything that happens is their own fault signals abuse.
#2 Never Ignore the Physical Signs of Abuse
Most people understand that hitting is abusive but when women are abusive it’s often minimized.
When women act out physically their behavior is shrugged off or turned into a joke. Men rarely report it because of the shame. It’s a sensitive topic but important to recognize that women can be abusive too.
Often a woman will pinch or punch their partner in the arm. Throwing objects and using weapons to compensate are common. At first, their partner might try to laugh it off but inside they’re mortified.
No matter who is doing the abuse, justifying that behavior in any way shows a lack of remorse and needs to be taken as a serious problem.
Other uncommon forms of abusive anger include:
Throwing things across the room (or in someone’s direction).
Destroying meaningful objects like mementos or cell phones.
Preventing someone from leaving by blocking exits or physically restraining them.
All of these behaviors are considered abusive and will likely intensify if not treated. No one deserves to be disrespected or abused. If you think you’re in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−7233.
#3 It’s All About Them
Another sign of trouble occurs when someone dominates the relationship by being overly focused on themselves. Getting involved with this type of person can be emotionally exhausting. When these tendencies become narcissistic they can lead to abusive relationships.
At first, we may be drawn to their energy or interesting stories but when it’s always about them it gets incredibly frustrating. This imbalance creates an abusive dynamic where one person feels less than while the other person sucks most of the energy out of the room.
Mature, healthy relationships should have an equal part give and take, with each person’s needs being equally important. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
Important Signs to Identify:
Being self-centered and lacking empathy
Using substances to escape reality
Needing to control or dominate relationships to feel secure
Having rigid beliefs that put other people down
Final Thoughts
When these early warning signs are dismissed, a person becomes more susceptible to falling into an abusive relationship. In the beginning, introduce a potential partner to close friends for a different perspective. The more information gathered about the potential partner, the more likely a sound choice can be made.
When there is any kind of verbal or physical abuse please seek professional help. Diving head first in a committed relationship before really knowing the other person has a price. Relationships shouldn’t hurt, but when they do, don’t be ashamed to reach out and get the support you need.
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