While recovering from codependency isn’t a quick process, identifying the signs will provide a much needed short-cut. After reading this article you will understand the core symptoms of codependency and how it applies to you or someone you love.

What is codependency?

Codependency is a relationship pattern of focusing on others at your own expense. This creates an unhealthy dependency in relationships that contributes to low self-esteem and an inability to prioritize your needs. 

Because codependency looks different on every person, you may not relate to codependent symptoms initially. For instance, some people who are codependent advocate for themselves quite well in relationships, while others find it anxiety-provoking. Some struggle with control issues but others describe themselves as being “doormats” in relationships.

Codependency is not a one size fits all issue.

Knowledge is power and becoming a student of recovery starts with identifying the signs and symptoms of codependency. Learning how each sign relates to you and your relationships will make the recovery process faster and more effective.

Once you know the problem, you’re closer to the actual solution!

10 Signs of Codependency in Relationships

Here are ten signs of codependency in relationships

1. Giving even when it hurts is a major sign of codependency. While giving is a lovely quality when it becomes compulsive, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, overwhelm and resentment. 

Recovery Tip: When you find yourself over-giving, pay close attention. Identify your “inner no” that is telling you to make a different choice. The goal is to give with boundaries. When you realize that you do have a choice, you will finally feel free!

2. Relying too much on others for validation and self-esteem is another core symptom of codependency in relationships. Codependent people don’t know how to esteem themselves. This creates an unhealthy dependency that make self-trust more difficult. 

Recovery tip: Cultivate self-trust but getting to know and listen to your voice. The goal is to learn how to validate yourself so external validation isn’t your only source.

3. When relationships feel one-sided it’s a sign of codependency. Instead of feeling loved and supported, the codependent person feels invisible because they don’t know how to receive love. The goal is to do less for others and strive for a healthy balance of giving and receiving.

Recovery tip: To prevent one-sided relationships, learning how to identify relationship “red flags” will help you make a healthier choice. 

4 Feeling other people’s feelings more than your own is another tell-tale sign of codependency. Codependent people are super empathetic so they can feel the pain of others but ironically not their own. The goal is to feel your own feelings by shifting the focus from others to yourself.

Recovery tip: Keep a journal for how you feel throughout the day to help you focus on what’s happening inside of you.

5. When you feel compelled to help, fix or rescue others, it’s codependency because you neglect your problems for someone else’s. Hearing other people’s pain triggers our own so we try to avoid that pain by fixing it. The goal is to take responsibility for handling your own problems instead of getting lost in someone else’s.

Recovery tip: Focus your energy on improving the quality of your life instead of always trying to help others. When you give to yourself first, you will give without resentment. The goal is to learn a healthy balance between self-care and giving to others.

Click here to get my Codependency E- workbook for added help.

6. When you attract people that need fixing, that’s codependency. Codependents have a huge heart but they don’t know how to protect it. The goal is to find healthier ways to feel valued based on WHO you are not WHAT you are.

Recovery tip: Find ways to value and esteem yourself by making a list of qualities you and others like about you.

7. Staying in toxic relationships because you can’t tolerate being alone is another sign of codependency in relationships. Codependent people have a high tolerance for bad behavior due to their intense need to stay connected. Instead of settling for anyone who will have you, the goal is to make healthier choices. 

Recovery tip: Start building a relationship with yourself including prioritizing self-care to lessen unhealthy dependency on others. 

8. When you can’t tolerate making mistakes without excessive guilt or shame. Codependent people have unrealistic expectations of themselves because they base their value on DOING for others instead of BEING themselves. Their low self-esteem drives them to seek perfection only to beat themselves up later.

Recovery tip: Practice the grace of being imperfect. Making mistakes is how we learn and embracing the unique quirks that make you special will increase self-esteem over time.

9. When you accept unacceptable behavior because you’re used to settling for crumbs. Growing up in a dysfunctional family makes it hard to recognize healthy behaviors. In recovery, the goal is to spot unhealthy or narcissistic behaviors early and protect yourself first.

Recovery tip: Pay attention when someone behaves in a way that goes against your values. The goal is to spot these toxic behaviors early and practice healthy boundaries.

10. When you don’t trust your own perceptions because you assume you’re wrong or stupid. This sets us up for becoming overly dependent on others. Goal is to learn what it looks like to trust yourself.

Recovery tip: Start cultivating self-trust by learning how to identify that still small voice from within. The goal here is to listen to yourself FIRST instead of always looking to others for answers.

Final Thoughts

Codependency takes time to unlearn but the first step towards recovering from codependency is to understand the signs and symptoms of codependency and how they relate to you.